Unspoken Truths

Oftentimes in my life, I have found myself in a position where I don't have the vocabulary to fully express how I feel about something. In those moments, when my mastery of language fails, I turn to that medium that I have dedicated myself to:  Music.

Music, to me, is that one remaining bastion of pure truth in a world of deceitfulness and corruption. It is the outlet of expression for the soul that bypasses our ability to cognitively recognize and communicate what it is we feel. It's almost as if empathy flows forth, as does compassion, sorrow, anger, whatever it is I need to express to the world around me comes out in the subtleties and finesse of performance. It's so cathartic, in fact, that many times I forget when there actually is an audience. It becomes a matter of connecting to God and allowing that force to speak through me for a time, it truly is the highest spiritual experience I've been able to attain. How wonderful is this gift I've been given, that not only am I able to express what I feel, but I'm also able to go back to the composers that have left behind those inscriptions of what they felt at a time, or their world condition, and filter that through the lens of my perception and experience and make it relevant again! In what other way can we be so connected to our past, our lineage, the great achievements of history, than to know that the pitches and rhythms I produce are the same that were brought forth into being tens, if not hundreds of years ago, and were heard by the people of that generation.

It is communication at its paramount, the material through which people can connect, all over the world, and savor their emotions knowing that they are understood, and are not alone. What greater thing could you offer a man in his time of sorrow than to play a song that shows exactly how he feels? You couldn't accomplish that with words in a hundred years. Words are clumsy, they have multiple meanings, they can be misunderstood, they can be twisted, taken out of context, but most prevalent is that they can fail to truly express what we wish them to express. That is not true of music, and it is the reason why when I have something that is of utmost importance to me to communicate to someone else, I use it before I speak, and they understand.

It is the white light in my world, that unadulterated truth to which I have devoted my life to the understanding of, and sharing with the world. As I learn more, and experience more, and sink deeper into it's warmth, I become closer to what I feel is the ultimate in the human experience.

What is the fire that burns, but does not consume?
It is truth.
And I speak my truth through music.

The Beauty of Absence

It truly never ceases to amaze me on my journey through life how each and every day there is some change effected upon us. Whether this is something minute, or grand and life changing, every day the experience is slightly different. As humans, we tend to dwell overmuch on those changes we see as 'negative' throwing out those events that have worked out to our favor. One of the most potent niches that this type of behavior is prevalent in is that of loss. For some reason, regardless of what it is we have lost, we view that missing person or thing as a depreciation of our overall situation in life. Perhaps it is a matter of comfort, that people resist change of any sort. Perhaps it is greed, in that they wish to retain all they gain and lose nothing. Or perhaps it is merely a representation of the human condition:  that we cannot wholly perceive the circumstances that have preceded the change, nor the intended result of it. (This is being written on the premise that you agree that there IS an intent behind the mechanisms of the world, but that's a discussion for another article.) What this leaves us with, if we react as men tend to do, is either anger, sadness, or confusion. I posit that instead of those ways of thinking, you instead see each change as a new open door, an opportunity. For every space that is vacated in your life, there is a void that you can fill with whatever you choose. Many men see this and try to fill it with material goods, or drugs, or false love, because they fear that space. It makes us uneasy to see emptiness, particularly in what we view as important stations in our lives. If you must fill that space with something, fill it with what will bring you the greatest betterment, happiness, and peace. Ultimately, however, I wish you to consider leaving those spaces vacant. Peer into that void, find out what it is about what you've lost that makes you feel incomplete, and strive to externalize those things that are not directly part of your self.

You find most often that those people who are most at peace are those who have least. This is not because they have become peaceable with their misfortunes in life, it is that they understand the nature of the absence of something. To find out what is NOT part of you is the most efficient way to figure out which elements are. After you've lost everything that is not your essence, those things that remain are the truest parts of you. Do not underestimate the importance of loss, absence, and space. In these times, men afford themselves far to little of any of those. Whatever we lose, collectively, as humans, it cannot beat us. We are strangely temporal beings in that fact, we understand that something that was no longer is, and yet we have the capacity to take that concept and move forward with it. The one thing that has held us back is our short memories. Know that as individuals, every experience you endure, or enjoy, impacts all of us in a profound way.

But I digress. Appreciate your losses, mourn them while you must, but then drink deeply of the wisdom and compassion that you can gain from the experience.

Absence truly can be beautiful.

Essence of Love

I spent a great deal of time trying to make this most intangible of emotions fit my usual style of prose, but after about eight hours worth of work, I decided that the best direction to choose is one of poetry.

From the beginning, men were made to be partnered
Yet such things have come forth, that they might stand in the way
Regardless of effort, no care for time, they will alter
Those things we love best, and leave us out in the rain

As people, we try to stand up and take what is given
But those who might give are often hurried away
And if you offer all, your life, love, and oaths of commitment
You will quickly find, just one will accept and stay

Approach with caution, now, and in your heart:  forgiveness
Take control of your life, and save those gifts for your truth

Life is harsh, yes child, it can be so
But don't allow those clouds of resentment to bar your way
Come in with a fresh heart, door wide open to all
Remember that the pain slips in, but it's oh so worth the cost

When you find that place, as many a man has before you
Hold on with your life, and bear no quarrel between
The sacrifice of the self for the love of your other is sacred
And if they respond in kind, light will shine through

I've had my trials, yes, I've certainly been there
Had my face in the coals, my feet hung over the flames

You must go forth now, and take with you this wisdom
That within your self, peace must prosper and grow
Only then can you share joy with others
When your sanctum of soul is free from all of the dust

Fear no man, take your life in your hands, and walk swiftly
But not so quick that you miss the journey along the way
You follow the paths of many that walked here before you
Lose no hope, for they will show you the way

Claim your love, it's yours, and divinely presented
And pray that your partner will not long be astray

Tempests of passion, storms of indignation
Fits of rage, none can stand to compare
This feeling within, the state of mind of contentment
Though when it's lost, often one falls to despair

If your love seems lost, and no hope is found, join with me, here
And hand in hand, you and I will find our way
Do you dare to dream, your fantasies and desires
Will they guide your path, or somehow lead you away

If you choose your life to be lived here, right in this moment
Take the love that you have, and savor it for today

Sacrifice vs. Compromise

I'm sure the cliche 'nice guys finish last' is well known, but most people don't give it enough thought to determine the true meaning behind the phrase. This is a lesson that is applicable in every facet of one's life, but most notably in relationships.

The kinder you are, the more likely you are to be stepped on.

Now, that doesn't mean I advocate being an asshole. In fact, it's quite the opposite. While that statement is certainly true, the fact of the matter is that those people are often abused so that the offending party can give themselves a quick leg-up in a situation. In the long term, karmically, those kinder people will often grow into stronger individuals, and be led to more successful paths in their lives.

What does this mean to you? First is the fact that yes, you should be a 'nice' person, but in doing so you are guaranteed to open yourself up to hardships and pain that you otherwise would not experience. The other side of that coin, however, is that in so doing, you will reach heights that you would otherwise not. Second, you must not begrudge those people who do harm you on your path. It is rarely your place to deliver recompense for wrongdoing against you, and the most fruitful course of action to take is to allow it as little power of influence over your life as possible. Sure, at some points, you are going to be hurt by people you genuinely care about; but, don't allow that to cloud your vision as to the true nature of your behavior. Your identity, and more importantly the essence that formed that identity, is not a thing that you should allow to shift with the tides of your environment. You can choose to be malleable, true, and at certain stages of your life change will indeed be necessary, but the key is to make it deliberate change that you've decided will be for the betterment of your life. Don't indulge vengeful thoughts, especially against those people you would have at one time called most dear to your heart; because if you do, you are validating their behavior toward you. If you instead continue on the path you've chosen to be your personal truth, and disallow those outside influences to affect your pace on said course, then the burden of guilt falls on your attacker.

Finally, to address the actual title of the article. Kind people most often tend to take it upon themselves to sacrifice something of their own for other peoples happiness. The alternative would be for both parties to reach a compromise on whatever the issue may be. The reason this happens is due to the imbalance of effort in these interpersonal relations. The typical development will end up with one party trying to hold up a relationship on their own, while the scale tips and the opposing party reaps all the immediate rewards of the first's benevolence. This chain of events inevitably leads to the aforementioned abuse, but now we can see why the kinder party emerges ahead. While that effort, within the context of that singular relationship, can often seem for naught; on the whole, when one considers personal development, it builds them to allow even greater effort to be put forth in more egalitarian environments. If those people do indeed not allow themselves to be set off course by those transpired events that seem at first to be failures, they will continue on with more fervent pace, and a certain heart.

Be strong in your actions, resolute in your decisions, and stoic against those winds that wish to blow you off course. Know who you are, and take comfort in that knowledge, because any person who would take action that seems contrary to your identity does so out of ignorance or fear. I do hope this has been helpful to some of you. Comment, respond, do all those internet things people love to do, but leave some feedback (because I know all of you have opinions).

Until next time.

Dissemination of thoughts, and other such things.

For quite some time, I've been the sort of man whose ideas tend to stray away from the status quo. While I do not claim complete uniquity (and goodness, I would certainly HOPE I'm not alone) perhaps it's possible that what I have to say would be helpful to potential readers, and that maybe the experiences I've gained in my short life would be of use to someone who may be stuck somewhere on their journey.

Now that we've established the purpose of my writing, it might be best to give a cursory overview of what I feel I can offer here. Foremost, I am a musician. I feel music is the purest and most truthful expression of the soul, and it handles communication with far more grace than even I can muster with my command of the oft-clumsy word. I am a teacher, insomuch as what knowledge and wisdom I accrue on my path, I then turn and share with others. That may be my most potent contribution to society. I am also a student, as far as the literal definition goes. I am still in school, yes, but at this point the capacity to develop from life experiences has been gained, and all further instruction is just expedited advancement on roads I already tread. I am a composer of both the note and the written word, and that may be the chief reason for the existence of this page. I've dabbled in a great deal as far as the creation and assemblage of those things are concerned, and I've turned out a few moderate successes thus far. I am a Jew, of the messianic variety, which in layman's terms tends to put me closer to the protestant faith than the Jewish orthodoxy. I am an American, and seeing as my country is thusly divided at the moment, I must further clarify and include my Conservatism.

Utmost, however, among the myriad things I may be labeled; I am a man. A man who stands by virtue when the flow of morality shifts and those like myself are left to brave the current. I am a man who loves dearly, and thinks deeply, and who strives to appreciate those things the world has left behind. I am a man with scars, because when one lives their life with an open heart, cruel things slip in. Sometimes they do so under the guise of respect and understanding, before shedding their cloak and revealing themselves. Nevertheless, pain considered, I would choose this path over that of cold, unrelenting apathy. I am simultaneously an optimist and a cynic, dependent on the subject at hand. I can discuss any topic with any person, so long as they have an open mind. I stand my ground on those things that compose my being, and have found a place of righteousness within me. I struggle, as any person does in this harsh yet beautiful world, and living life day to day sometimes is a burden of undue difficulty. Most importantly, I must say, even though I have laid out before you all of these things I believe I am, the true determination of my character in your mind lies on your shoulders. Form your opinions, question me, test me, befriend me, navigate away from the page as if this is no more than over-inflated rhetoric, but follow your heart.

There's a cliche to start off what will hopefully become a vibrant literary adventure, follow your heart as I will follow mine. I have no notoriety, I am no different than you, but you can trust me to always give an honest opinion, and friendly advice. Visit me from time to time, perhaps as this develops I may say something that is of use to you. Feel free to subscribe, share me with your friends, send me letters of hate or admiration, send me questions, tell me about your day, whatever you need. This is my niche, and I welcome all of you to it. Take care of yourselves, and act out of love.

Until next time.