Two Horizons

     Duality. It's an interesting concept. People have come to believe that there exist two separate and distinct realms of existence, one good, one bad. One dark, one light. Whatever the distinction is that is drawn, the individual tends to choose this system to define for themselves why it is that they are correct, and those who see the world differently, or in some way oppose them, are wrong. It's a way to support a stoic, unwavering, dense, closed-minded understanding of the world. I've come to believe that this is built upon a flawed understanding of the nature of the universe, and that the delusion is twofold.

    First, the world is not inherently dualistic. There is no good and evil. There is no right or wrong. There are only decisions, and experiences around them, and our perception leads us to categorize them one way or another. The bit where we, as humans, run into trouble with this is when we build up our own system of categorization to a point where we believe ourselves infallible in our capacity to determine the outcome of any given situation, and from there we begin to impose our understanding on those around us. The wisdom that must be reached is that for any given person, the truths inherent to their lives are completely different from those of any other person. You never have any right to determine for someone else that what they are doing is wrong, because it's not your experience, nor is it your decision, and most of all, you aren't the one carrying the burden of consequence. Once we come to the conclusion that truth is just as individual as every other part of what it is to be human, we'll be a step closer to achieving something worth celebrating.

    Second, life is not linear, and goals are not static. This is a pitfall, and quite a common one, especially in modern american culture. What are you supposed to do with your life? Go through school, get a job, get married, save money, have kids, retire, die. And the only real flexibility that is afforded by society is that you're allowed to fill in the blank about what it is you're going to study. It's almost as if you've got a form to fill out and turn in, rather than writing a story from scratch about what you want your life to be. I, for one, think that is utter bullshit; and so is the fact that there is some stigma attached to living your life out of what is seen as the acceptable sequence. If you decide you don't need to, or don't want to, do one of the things on the above list. You could be ridiculed, or worse. My own close friends have taken it upon themselves to chide me for withdrawing from a college I was attending, for reasons that I really didn't have to explain to anyone but myself, and then they had the audacity to say: "If leaving college was a step forward for you, you're an idiot."

    Now, that was a prime example of what I'm trying to impart to you tonight. In my life, yes, that was a necessary step that put me in a better place than I was previously. More than that, it was the first time I actually stood up for myself, and showed some self-respect, rather than enduring more torture for the sake of a piece of paper that essentially would have said "Congratulations, you've sold your soul for this diploma!" Perhaps I'll end up going back to school, perhaps I won't, that's my concern, not theirs, but here's the key of it:  It's not a point worth arguing, because I understand the two bits of information I noted above. What's true for me in this situation might not be true for them in theirs, and they could be just as convicted in their veracity as I am in mine, the only thing that saves me from being wrong is that it is not their decision to make. Then there's the fact that in my experience, maybe I'm meant to take a non-traditional path to non-traditional success. I think that's exciting.

     Moral of this story, a knowing smile and a shake of the head before going on about your business is the best way to win a pointless argument. Do what you're here to do, and don't worry about explaining it to anyone else. Good evening, all.

                                                                                                                                  -EC

Lost, yet Hopeful

     It seems that the world around me has turned from a pointed whirlwind of one sort or another, where I could determine the true nature of an experience and label it thusly, to a squall of the most anomalous, confusing combinations of experiences that I've ever had to filter through. Any given day of late could be described by that famous line from A Tale of Two Cities, and it is certainly interesting to be presented with such sets of emotion simultaneously. Perhaps I'm even managing to project this conflict onto the world around me, as things become less and less certain the more I analyze them. I see all of the possibilities, and none of the truths behind them. That is more frustrating than I can state, but it's led me to a point of almost passive observance of the interactions of the people around me. I interject from time to time, where I feel it's warranted, but overall I try usually to remain in the position of the listener. I do this because I am sure that as I look back at this period of my life, I will be more glad for the things I heard than the things I've said.

    I met someone interesting many months ago, but my inability to function the way other men do in social situations left me at a loss in trying to foster a friendship. Now, for some reason unbeknownst to me, this person seems almost ever-present in my consciousness. The thing that makes it most interesting at the moment is the fact that at first I viewed this person upon introduction as being harsh, and combative, almost unpalatable; but now, even though we still hardly ever agree on most important issues, I feel the murmurings of something on a cosmic level. I'm not sure what role I am to play in their life, or what they will play in mine, but I am glad to have the opportunity to experience them in whatever capacity I am able. It is so hard, however disappointing this may be, to find any decent intellectual conversation, especially when it's not based purely on rhetoric... When I try to read this person, and really look into their eyes, I see that same spark that smolders within my own heart.

I've found a kindred spirit.

Outside of my generally useless musings on the social front (or at least useless as far as their ability to aid or inform the reader is concerned) the progression of life is continuing at its walking pace, but I do sense an upcoming descent down the proverbial hill that will begin to give me the momentum I need to journey forth to wherever it is I'm now headed. Alliances have been tried, new ones have been forged, old ones have been broken, and the cycle continues. This particular piece functions mainly as a method of whispering forth my wish of things to come, and for that I apologize, because I try most often to serve the reader rather than myself. If there is one piece of advice I can offer on this crisp and cloudless night:

Look to the moon, and know that I, too, am watching. For that moment, our consciousnesses are linked through common experience. It's almost as if I could close my eyes and drift up to it.

Do you feel it too?